By now, most of you know that my vocation and passion is the Home. And I’m not just talking decorating and all things design. I love to make the deeper connections of the intimate home environments we create for ourselves to the issues in our lives. I see the connections loud and clear and I respect how it all physically manifests and reveals itself when you look beneath the surface. That is why it’s equally as important to show thoughtfulness and respect in other people’s homes. You are treading on their subconscious turf, their comfort zone and their design arena all in one intimate space. Here are my six rules of etiquette to help be a gracious host and guest:
When you enter someone’s home, always ask first, “Should I take off my shoes?” In my home, we take them off but when guests come over and ask, I always say, “However you are most comfortable.” And I mean that. My guests comfort is my hostess priority.
- Don’t pop over someone’s house unannounced. Ever. It’s just rude.
When invited to a friend or family members home – whether it is a casual dinner or a formal affair – bring a gift for the host! There is no excuse for coming empty handed to a gathering in someone else’s home. An offering like a candle, flowers, wine, appetizer or dessert is always appreciated. And always offer to help clean the dishes.
- When staying over in someone’s home for a few days, study how they’ve made the bed and try to replicate it just as they did it. Before you leave, take off the sheets and fold them up at the foot of the bed and offer to wash them.
In our home, we gather hands and say “prayers” every night at the dinner table before we eat. The invocation usually mentions (by one or all of us) what we are most happy and grateful for that day. For some guests, when they see our hands begin to gather around the table, I can feel their internal discomfort levels rise as they squirm in their seats visioning a holy roller evangelical sermon about to go down. One Mom friend said “Oh no, we are not religious! We don’t do that. My son won’t know what to do!” Relax, heathen! By simply taking a moment to acknowledge what you are happy and grateful for, that moment of gratitude begets itself and carries over to other areas of your life. Guests are not expected to add anything, unless they want to. But who isn’t grateful for at least one small thing in their day? Lesson: Go with the flow in someone else’s home when an unfamiliar custom arises. You could learn something.
- When you are in someone’s home, especially for the first time, be sure to point out or comment to the homeowner something you genuinely like/find interesting/want to know more about in their home. I find it very revealing when a guest does not make any comments whatsoever. I’m actually suspicious of people who do that. (I’ve even put a trampoline in the center of my living room that we had to walk around and still it did not garner a comment or question from one regular guest. But that’s another story.) It’s not about searching for a vase to tell your host you like when you really don’t. You could simply spot an interesting framed photograph and ask about what was occurring at the time of the photo, inquire how long they’ve been living in their home or ask how they like the neighborhood. People like talking about their homes and it’s a great way to get the conversation rolling. A home is a pure reflection of the occupants on many levels and when you completely ignore that intimate portal they are sharing with you, then the only reflection happening is your own self-absorption. So go ahead and take off your shoes, give your host a small token gift, be open to their customs and don’t forget to ask questions about the space they have created.
